A small update.

Last week passed by in a flash! I managed to squeeze in a few runs and gym, but the weekend was spent celebrating my boyfriends birthday. As such it was a very busy but lovely week and I must say that we had a fabulous time celebrating in the weekend. Lovely weather and plenty of sun (30 degrees) most definitely helped to perk up the mood even more than usual. Perhaps not the most pleasant weather to train in for a Scandinavian polar bear like myself, but I have solved it by getting out of bed insanely early and do somewhat of a ‘sleepwalking run’. Haha, not really, luckily I am an avid morning person and really enjoy heading out in the early morning when the streets are empty and silent. Of course it makes me terribly sleepy in the evening, but that is a price I happily pay. Theres nothing like starting the day with exercise and get that boost of energy straight on, I love it.

If last week was a success, this week had a rather depressing start as I went to my general practitioners office and have now been told to book an appointment with an endocrinologist (at last!) since my general practitioner finally realised that he cannot solve my thyroid problem. Though it makes me rather sad that I have had to wait for a year to get this referral I am still happy that it has now become a reality. However, I also handed in new blood tests where the normal levels will be checked (T3 + free, T4 + free, TSH etc) but also diabetes type 2. This, because my medical doctor told me, for some reason, a year ago that type 2 diabetes had been checked when it in fact had not. Rather shocking right? I actually cannot begin to express how utterly upset I am about this. It is a huge deal, not only because I am not keen on having yet another lifelong diagnosis, but also because I have seen first hand how horrible type 2 diabetes can be.

Additionally, my medical doctor has had over a year to sort out my thyroid problem OR refer me to specialists and still nothings happened until I went to see my doctor on Monday and by chance ended up seeing a different doctor at the same office whom was shocked and rather appalled that I had not been told to see an endocrinologist and an eye doctor. Apparently all thyroid patients should at least once consult these two specialists once diagnosed with hypothyroidism (and Hashimotos) to make sure everything is alright. So yes, I have in vain (when it comes to weight loss, not when it comes to general health of course!) spent a whole year fighting super hard to lose weight though I obviously have an extremely sleepy metabolism. Not only does it make me cross because the lack of weight loss due to my thyroid medication not being on pointe, increase the potential of developing type 2 diabetes, but also because I really want to get back to my old self again. Additionally, as my boyfriend usually says, ‘it must be horrendous to put in all the hard work, train, eat health consciously, never drink alcohol (not that it is must but you know what I mean!) and never be able to reap the benefits of all that hard work’. And that is exactly it, its easy to lose motivation and heart when you do absolutely everything you can but at the same time over and over be let down by the very institutions that is supposed to care about your wellbeing, efforts and sacrifices made to become well. Hopefully I will get the right kind of help in September when I get to see a specialist for the first time. But for now; Bring on tomorrow, bring on the verdict and give me strength to embrace it no matter what it may turn out to be.

Maybe I forgot to mention…

I have now lost 3kg (6lb, pounds) and it is an amazing feeling to know that the changes I have made works. I don’t know why I am so scared of it not working since I am fully aware of the changes I have made- increased activity and decreased food intake (within reason) should equal a weightloss, its simple mathematics.

My problem is that I most of the time feel extremely disconnected to my own body and therefore also do not trust it to behave in an orderly way. I think it goes hand in hand with my somewhat distorted body image (of myself) and this is very odd, but most of the time I actually don’t feel fat (sorry for the f word but I prefer to tell it like it is!) don’t get me wrong, I know that I am, but I don’t feel it. This is very interesting since most big people that I know feel it all the time and often feel uncomfortable due to it. I too feel uncomfortable but it is not because I feel fat, it is for completely different reasons. This is where mirrors and photographs have become extremely important to me, not because they always tell it like it is (camera angles etc can make a huge difference and tell plenty of lies, not to mention the ”thin”-mirrors in clothes shops etc, boo!) but at least they show an image of me that is not something that I feel but instead is actual and very much there.

Anyway, back to the main topic, I am sure that there are some people that would have lost more weight in 3 weeks time but my goal was always to lose about 1kg (2lb) per week and it seem to work and for that I am ever so grateful. Every single victory in this battle counts and even though I do not – definitely not – celebrate this achievement with cookies or cake, I feel very, very proud of myself for keeping at it and not slipping. The journey has officially begun and I am keener than ever, bring it on!